For generations, the path to parenthood followed a familiar script: meet a partner, fall in love, marry and have children. But a growing number of people are separating the idea of parenting from romance altogether.
Known as platonic co-parenting, the model pairs two people who want a child but are not in a romantic relationship. They agree to raise a child together, often sharing custody and responsibilities in ways similar to separated couples.
The approach has gained traction in the US and Europe over the past decade, helped by online platforms designed to match prospective co-parents. One of the best-known platforms facilitating these arrangements is Modamily, a US-based co-parent matching service founded by entrepreneur Ivan Fatovic. It has hundreds of members across the broader Middle East region, though this remains modest compared with the United States and Europe.
In total, the platform has over 100,000 users and has seen the birth of more than 1,000 babies since 2011. Unlike traditional relationships, where children may arrive organically, platonic co-parenting arrangements tend to be highly structured. Prospective co-parents often spend months discussing parenting philosophies, finances, custody schedules, religion, education and legal agreements before attempting to conceive.
A 45-year-old Indian doctor, who asked to remain anonymous, says the transient nature of expatriate life makes traditional marriage increasingly difficult. He is now seeking his co-parenting partner through Modamily as he refuses to give up on the dream of becoming a father.
As an only child from a supportive family, he did not face strong cultural pressure against his choice to co-parent, having found himself frustrated by the uncertainty of dating culture. “Dating often becomes the priority, while marriage and children are pushed further down the line,” he says.
Divorced, he was initially surprised to discover platforms that connect people specifically seeking to have children outside of a romantic relationship.
He sees co-parenting as a more structured and pragmatic alternative, with clear expectations set in advance. “You define responsibilities upfront, so there are fewer legal or emotional uncertainties later,” he says, adding that maturity and stability are the most important qualities in a potential partner.
He believes the model reflects a broader shift. “People as young as in their 20s and 30s are realising they can build a family without sacrificing their careers,” he says. “It shows the challenges we are facing in today’s world, but also the options people are creating in response.”
For some, the approach offers a level of clarity that romantic relationships rarely provide.
Nick Farrow, a British author and gardener who spent part of his childhood living in Qatar, turned to co-parenting in his forties. “I started considering co-parenting at the age of 44,” he said. “I had been in a long-term relationship where we had planned to have a family; however that relationship ended and I deeply felt the loss of the potential family I was planning.”
After years of dating without finding the right partner, Farrow came across an article about platonic co-parenting in the United States and began researching the idea.
That search eventually led him to Modamily. He met two potential partners before eventually finding the person who would become his co-parent. “We discussed the process for a couple of months until I met my current co-parenting partner,” he said.
The pair spent four months drafting a co-parenting agreement. “We had the same values and many similar ideas on how we would like to raise our child.”
Farrow, 57, says the arrangement has proved remarkably stable. “This was now 11 years ago and it’s worked exceptionally well,” he said. “I believe we’ve both grown as people during this time, and we have the most wonderful daughter.”
Their parenting dynamic resembles that of many separated couples who share custody, but without the emotional complications that often follow a romantic breakup.
“We delegate the tasks and time between our families as any separated couple would,” Farrow said.
Their daughter is also encouraged to take part in decisions about where she spends her time.
“We also let our daughter have a big say in where she wants to stay and what she wants to do. It’s a constant conversation that develops as our daughter grows up.”
Like any parenting relationship, disagreements occasionally arise. “Our main low was potentially the only argument we’ve ever had, which was about our daughter’s name,” he said. “After many discussions, we found a way to resolve it.”
The rewards, however, are constant. “The highs of having such a wonderful daughter are daily, and we look forward to watching her grow up into a young woman.”
Interest in platonic co-parenting has grown steadily in Britain over the past decade, Farrow says, particularly after he published a book about his experience titled The Diary of a Platonic Co-Parent. “Over the last 10 years I’ve seen the trend growing in the UK, in terms of the number of people contacting me to talk about it,” he said.
For many, the model offers a practical response to the biological reality that fertility declines with age.
Academics have also begun examining how these family structures function. Researchers at the University of Cambridge have studied co-parenting families, assessing both parents and children using measures of psychological well-being, parenting stress and child development.
The findings last year suggested that parents in these arrangements generally reported normal levels of mental well-being and social support, while their children’s behavioural and emotional outcomes fell within low-risk ranges compared with population averages.
They argue that the quality of relationships within a family matters far more for a child’s development than its structure. Studies of non-traditional families show that parents who deliberately plan their families, whether through assisted reproduction, adoption or co-parenting, tend to be highly committed and emotionally engaged.
One key factor, researchers note, is that these children are often “very wanted children,” with parents who have carefully planned and worked hard to create their families.
“I think Modamily is at centre of major demographic shift,” Fatovic says. “Fertility rates are dropping but the desire for kids hasn’t and we’re building the infrastructure for a new path to parenthood around AI.”
Source: Khaleej Times